Irish Breakfast

Nice guy logic

Posted in Comics by Emily on December 21, 2012

actually women do give out sex as a reward for basic human decency, but you're pretty far down in the queue of People Who Have Been Nice That I Am Now Obligated To Bang.
actually women do give out sex as a reward for basic human decency, but you're pretty far down in the queue of People Who Have Been Nice That I Am Now Obligated To Bang.
actually women do give out sex as a reward for basic human decency, but you're pretty far down in the queue of People Who Have Been Nice That I Am Now Obligated To Bang.

This tumblr has been making the internet rounds, which got me thinking about Nice Guys. This comic isn’t really about those guys on the tumblr, who are waaay far into the realm of “misogynist asshat.” Or at least far enough in to use the term “friend zone,” which just says so much about how much they like women beyond our sexy parts, doesn’t it?

Anyway, this is more about those generally decent guys, plenty of whom existed on OkCupid last time I looked, who are convinced that “nice” is a feature for which they deserve some lovin’, not a thing humans expect from basically all other humans under normal circumstances. To them I say: nice guys get laid all the time, just, their niceness is so unnoticeable under all their AWESOMENESS. Or it’s irrelevant, because attraction is so irrational and idiosyncratic and no amount of rides-home-given or cookies-baked can make it exist where it otherwise wouldn’t. And calling yourself a nice guy is like putting “I’m punctual” on your resume. If that’s what you’re advertising, bro, you gotta work on your self-promotion skills if nothing else.

p.s. I have never had a problem with mean comments on this blog, presumably because its traffic is so low. but, telling dudes who feel entitled to sex that they aren’t in fact entitled to sex being what it is, just gonna say right now that mean comments will be obliterated. I will sit here making “kabloooey!” noises when I click delete, should the need arise.

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5 Responses

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  1. Katelyn said, on December 21, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    My favorite explanation went along the lines of, ” ‘Nice guys’ think that women are vending machines into which ‘nice actions’ are placed, after which sex falls out. When it doesn’t, they claim that the machine is broken, rather than their currency.”

  2. David V. said, on December 21, 2012 at 11:41 pm

    Can we pretend I said something mean, so you can make “kabloooey!” noises? That sounds like fun!

    • Emily said, on December 22, 2012 at 12:30 am

      BOOOOOM! KAPLOOOOOSH!!!

  3. Will said, on January 10, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    The Tumblr seems to be down, so I can’t read any of these, but I can only assume it’s their own faults for saying things such as “Oh, no, don’t do that, I have a friend who’s much more attractive than me, let me call him up, he’ll probably appreciate this oral sex more than I would have.”

    • Emily said, on January 25, 2013 at 6:08 pm

      Haha. That might not so much be “nice” as “pragmatic.” Maybe utilitarian – those are the “maximize total happiness” folks, right?


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